When The Rest Of The World Has Moved On And You Never Will . . .

      I know.  I have so much more to do to make this blog functional . . . and well, a blessing. That is where I am going.  I need to take the time and type out Achazia's story. I really do. Right now is a moment where I am honestly really struggling and missing her so much. Recently her due date came and passed.  New friends are pregnant.  Other friends have had their babies. I am still here.  No one probably even thinks about or remembers my Achazia except for me.  I am still . . . not pregnant . . . and hoping that I can soon replace this emptiness with the hope of holding a little one in my arms.  I know.  I shouldn't be trying to fill any void in my heart with anything but the healing of Jesus.  I know.  I am just being truthful.  I am not in a good place right now.  I long for that peace . . . that presence . . . I miss my baby.  I REALLY, REALLY miss her.  So, I guess I write this for anyone out there who might actually read this and understand where I am coming from.  Honestly, I could use a hug right now . . . I know I just need to turn to Jesus and get my hug from Him.  In case you are in the same place of hurt, let me encourage you to go to Him too.  It really is time.  Crawl on over to the foot of the cross.  His mercies are new every morning. . . and when . . . you just don't understand.  It just doesn't make sense why your little one is gone . . . He will hold you and rock you in His arms.  He will lovingly play with your hair . . . and tell you He loves you . . . because He DOES!  And.  Well, it's gonna be okay.  It really is.  Right now I don't feel like it is . . . but I know it is.  He is faithful . . . and your little one is loved and safe with Him.


      Our greatest task as mamas is to join the Holy Spirit and raise are kids to know and love God so that they will be with Him in heaven some day.  Well, if you are like me and your baby has gone to heaven way too early . . . you have already completed your greatest mission.  That little one knows and loves Jesus better than you or I do right now . . . and is basking in His glory . . . sitting on His lap . . . and is truly doing just wonderful.


      There is this quote about dancing in the rain.  It goes like this: "Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about dancing in the rain."  I'm not sure who said it . . . but it is really true.  So, go grab your galoshes, I'll grab mine . . . and let's DANCE!  Seriously.


      Soon after my AJ passed, my husband had a dream where the LORD showed him two people he knows in real life that have both had extremely difficult lives.  In his dream, God walked him through how each man responded to his circumstances.  One man was in despair and his life was a mess.  The other man, picked himself up by his bootstraps against all odds . . . and kept fighting . . . for life.  God spoke to my husband during his dream explaining how He loved both men and he was not upset with either of them.  He had compassion and understood why they did what they did.  But He was so pleased with the man who kept on fighting.  God was showing my husband . . . He understands the hurt . . . He is not mad about how we respond . . . but we have a choice . . . and He is PLEASED when we choose life.  I can honestly say, in my depressed state . . . I often choose the easier road of wallowing in my despair.  I need someone stronger . . . Jesus perhaps . . . to lift me up and help me choose life right now . . . help me to dance.  Will you pray for me?


       I am praying for you . . . if you are reading this . . . I am praying that you will also reach down within yourself and find the courage to turn to Jesus and dance in this storm.  Much love to you . . . and if you have gotten this far in my ramblings . . . please check out this post on my other blog.  It tells a little bit of Achazia Jean's story.  I will someday fill in the whole story . . . it really is incredible . . . but until I have that in me . . . hopefully this little bit will encourage you friend.