Hope and Redemption

     Hi friends.  I wanted to write this post to encourage those out there who have struggled with wanting to have a baby and have had a difficult time getting pregnant (my story).  I have desired to be pregnant for 3.5 years now- and it feels even longer.  In my "plans" my kids would be spaced out somewhere between 18 months and 2.5 years- no more.  Well, that hasn't exactly happened!  After what felt like forever, I finally got pregnant last year- only to lose our sweet Achazia- hence this blog.  Since our loss last year, I have had good moments and bad- but all the time wishing, hoping and praying to get pregnant again.  I am so thankful for Achazia- and I can't wait to meet her one day.  But I desperately want a baby I can hold and cuddle with and watch grow.  I want a baby that grows up here, not just in heaven.
     Last Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving, I was hanging out with my BIL and soon to be SIL. My SIL, Rach informed me that her other SIL had found out that morning that she was pregnant.  Now, don't get me wrong- I was so happy for this girl, Megan.  Her and I had actually spoken a few weeks back and she mentioned that she was going to start trying for her second that month.  But, for me- it was just too much.  There are so many pregnant people in my life!  In fact, my best friend just gave birth to her first little girl a week ago.  I just wanted to join the preggers team, ya know.  So, although I was happy for her, I also felt some jealously and just sadness over my own situation of still not being pregnant.  See, that morning I too had taken a test that was negative.  As I was driving back from my BIL's house, I just started crying.  Crying out to God and begging Him that it would be my turn soon.  The wait is just- hard.  When I got home, I went to the bathroom.  I glanced over and the test I had taken earlier that morning appeared to be positive!!!!  I didn't want to get my hopes up- because I know- you aren't supposed to read tests that far after the fact.  So, after waking my husband up and asking him if he thought there was a positive line (which he did think there was), I tried to be calm and go to bed for the night.  Right when I woke up, Thanksgiving morning, I took a test of course!  And...you guessed it!  POSITIVE!  Now, this was several days before my missed period- but I have now taken several tests and they are all positive!  I AM SO THANKFUL!!!
     If that wasn't enough to encourage you that there is hope and God is amazing and has a great plan- there is more.  If you have read about my story with Achazia, you might know that she passed into the Father's arms last year on the day before Thanksgiving!  So it was an incredible statement of redemption to my heart to finally get that positive test the day before Thanksgiving this year!
     I am going to get blood work done and see my doctor hopefully tomorrow (Monday) as the office was closed because of the holiday on Thursday and Friday.  So, please pray for me and my sweet baby!  I feel like God is holding my hand through this all- but I know that I am going to feel some anxiety about ultrasounds- as the last ultrasound I had was one of the worst days of my life when we found no heartbeat.  So, please pray for peace- I know God has great plans and is in control.  I am just spending my time dwelling on His promises and His goodness!  Hugs to you cyber friends!  I hope you feel more hope for your own situation!